I was in a foul mood much of the day, irritated by rapid-fire changes at work, other people’s attitudes, which at the very best were only perceived by me as relatively rude (I say perceived, I know this feeling that others were rude was very likely just that, my perception – email as the primary mode of communication lends itself to such misinterpretations) and I’m just feeling too old, too anxious, too yanked-around to be as flexible as I’ve been most of my life. I’m feeling less-than-compliant and no longer particularly interested in being nice, even. Forcing a smile all day is making it very difficult to find a real smile for my family, the people who are the reason I go to work every morning. They don’t deserve to take the brunt of my foul mood and ever-increasing frustration, but they get it anyway and a small voice inside my weary heart tells me this isn’t how life is meant to be. God first, then family, then work. I must get my priorities straight and I’m beginning to believe a drastic change will be the only way to make that happen.
No longer am I the naive girl who keeps friends who manipulate, who stays in relationships that are unhealthy and even abusive. Only I can make the decision to change the situation and while it’s a thought filled with the terrifying unknown, very soon I am sure I’ll find the faith to jump and realize I could have been flying all along.
So I come to my proof of God’s love on this thirtieth day. Is it any surprise that the proof is in my children’s love for me and for one another? Talk about unconditional. In their sweet embraces and their musical I love yous, I feel my Father God, Daddy, wrapping me in His embrace and letting me know it’s all okay. Even the foul mood.