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Monthly Archives: May 2012

Day 152/365 photos

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I caved.  My ten-year-old bought The Hunger Games trilogy at her school book fair, so I’m reading the copy from the library. 

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To Do List

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*Set aside time daily to read the Bible
*Read the Bible with my family
*Find a Vacation Bible School nearby for the kids to attend this summer
*Share with my husband and children my daily proofs of God’s love
*Edit photos; God doesn’t put dreams in our hearts for no reason, I think
*Be more loving and less critical of myself and those closest to me
*Pray for God’s guidance in DOING what’s on my to-do list!!

151/365+ proof of God’s love

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Financial worries, including unpaid bills, had my stress level through the roof earlier today.  I needed a good laugh and wound up having several.  Thank God for loving us enough to give us the gift of humor!

Day 151/365 photos

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My ten-year-old, running from the library with a copy of The Hunger Games she had put on Hold a couple of weeks ago, is ecstatic to have gotten the call today that it was available for her and couldn’t wait to start reading it!

150/365+ proof of God’s love

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I was too exhausted to stay awake and write this last night, which was day 150.  I don’t love that I was emotionally and sexually abused as a child, I don’t love that my brother and sister and I were sometimes neglected.  I don’t love that I inherited anxiety and bipolar disorder or that I learned unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms that earned me a borderline personality disorder diagnosis or that I still have bouts of depression that make me feel suicidal.  However, I am thankful that my life hasn’t all been peaches and cream, because had it been, I’d have no hope of ever being able to relate to my ten-year-old, whose anger when she doesn’t get her way often leads to violence, as it did yesterday.  For the second time in six months’ time, my husband and I had a police officer talk to her about the fact that kicking people is a crime.  Mind you, my child is 5’2″ & 110 pounds, and all muscle once the adrenaline of her anger sets in and this could be deadly in the car, as she began kicking the tops of my husband’s shoulders as he was driving 70 miles per hour on I-96.  She kicked him several times because after she hit her two-year-old sister with her weekly homework packet, she was told we were not going to the beach.  Proof of God’s love, anywhere in this, you may think would be hard to find.  I had just gotten out of work, I was looking forward to an art fair at my daughter’s school and the beach and I was ready for dinner.  After the child’s drama, dinner was the only part of that any of us had time or energy to enjoy.  Still, God’s love was there in a calming presence that allowed me to, for the most part, keep my cool.  It wasn’t easy, but I reacted better than I feared I might; I am at my wits’ end with this child.  I love her so very much and she is still my miracle baby and one of the biggest blessings in my life.  I pray for the continued strength to be the best mom I can be for her and I fervently pray that she finds an outlet for her feelings that doesn’t involve violence.  I give praise that I can understand her anger with herself and her sadness after an angry outburst and that this allows me at least, to show her that my love is unconditional.

Fighting Depression

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No one can force me to feel
Anything I won’t allow;
Mine is the choice and
Mine is the power.
Cruel words and actions, though,
They hurt me still –
Harsh criticism
Deep away I squirrel,
Stored for future use,
When my thoughts tell me I’m useless,
They become high octane fuel
To keep bound my spirit, down and depressed.
It takes courage to pray,
To hope and have faith,
To choose to leave
That numbing space,
One heavy foot in front of the other,
One day at a time;
To learn peace, realize your dreams
And know love, it’s worth the climb.

Day 150/365 photos

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This is a walking bridge on the Portland river trail (Michigan).  I walk this way often during my lunch hour.

A side note:  Somewhere along the line, I began mis-numbering my posts and I’m sure I didn’t just skip ten days, unless I had amnesia or something.  Eventually, I’ll fix the numbers.  Today IS day 150, since I started the challenge on January 1.  I think I need an assistant 😉