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120/365+ proof of God’s love


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What a day!  Church was great, and as usually happens, the message was exactly what I needed (and will need to carry with me, after today’s unfortunate events unfolded):  a message about God’s providence; playing in the backyard with my two-year-old was fun and we are all exhausted tonight after a busy day.  The unfortunate events led me to pretty major anxiety this afternoon.  The car we just bought started stalling before we even got to church.  When we left to go to our life group tonight, it really didn’t want to run at all.  We made it to the home of the nice couple who hosted the group this afternoon and I was already on edge because the car kept stalling.  I began to feel once more very inadequate, out of place, like I don’t belong in this group because I’m poor and have a crappy car and rent a tiny house and have all these “issues” I can’t seem to overcome… I know I was a complete social moron during the group because I was distracted.  I’m trying so hard to have faith but I’m feeling like a failure in that department, too.  Anyway, by the time we left I was a nervous wreck.  Then the car wouldn’t start at all.  My husband’s father brought us home and the car is still sitting in a neighborhood where it sticks out like a sore thumb.  My father-in-law is also making sure my ten-year-old gets to school and I get to work tomorrow, but beyond that, I don’t know what we are going to do.  How do I stop the gnawing worry?  I’m so very tired.  So I think about today’s message at church; surely God has a plan for us… and as I often do, I think about the wonder in my children’s eyes, even at ordinary things and I know God’s love is right here, even though my jangled nerves are not letting me experience it.

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