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Monthly Archives: March 2012

91/365+ proof of God’s love


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Friendship is priceless, as is laughter.  Here, my little one is pointing out to her friend the lemur poo in their habitat at our local zoo.  She was so serious and the two were so funny with their “ew” and in the release of laughter, my spirits lifted.  Proof of God’s love exists for me in this release.

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Day 91/365 photos


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It was a decompressing sort of day, thank God!  I took a few photos at the zoo and a few photos of children, mine & those of friends, but the pink flowers reflecting the light from outdoor light this evening look peaceful to me.  I love anything that makes me think peaceful thoughts.

Life of a Mom: installment two, Mom questions


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You’ll find my Life of a Mom posts will be quite random; this post, for instance, arises from the my discovery of an empty bottle of conditioner that yesterday was half-full.  Some typical Mom questions:

How is that empty?
Where is my phone?
Why are you eating my lipstick?
When did you take your diaper off?
Who left an empty bottle of conditioner in the shower?
Where’s your DAD???
Who drew this picture on the wall?
Why won’t you go to sleep?

There are many, many more, but while my brood sleeps, I’m sneaking away for a cup of coffee.  And a bottle of conditioner.

Life of a Mom: installment one


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Being an admitted drama queen during my early twenties and dealing in the business of self-preservation through expensive counseling to overcome PTSD from the abuse I’d endured as a child, I swore I’d never have children.  Somehow, though, my little niece (who now, at age 15 towers over me) broke my reserve with goofy smiles, laughter, tight hugs and kisses that were usually sticky from something she’d eaten or drunk, and especially the wonder in her huge, dark eyes, at things I had begun to take for granted.  At the age of 24, I began to really want to experience motherhood.  My boyfriend at the time, already beginning to dislike me because in part through my therapy sessions and in part because I was simply growing up, I was becoming less and less a silly little doormat, informed me that he absolutely did not want children, especially with me, “because I don’t want them to be crazy like you,” (this from a young fellow whose eyes were wide with paranoia enhanced by frequent drug use, the guy who accused me from the start of a drawn-out relationship during which I believed myself in love, of cheating on him with anyone with whom I spent time, male or female).  Within two years of that conversation, I had left the boyfriend and moved to an apartment I really liked.  I wasn’t necessarily intent on immediately becoming a mother.

I’ll own to spending much of that early time partying and, at least on weekends, drinking a lot of alcohol.  Maybe I should be ashamed to admit that my firstborn was conceived while I was drunk, but to me, the circumstances of her conception don’t in any way change my belief that she was simply meant to be.  Yes, I was terrified when two consecutive home pregnancy tests came back with the same response:  positive… I was also excited and determined to make the necessary changes to my lifestyle.

That moment is when I became a mother.  The moment I knew a life grew inside me and knew the changes I must make for his or her sake, I was Mom, even if it would be a couple of years before a child called me by that name.

90/365+ proof of God’s love


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In appreciation of things that make me smile, little things… like this rough box that sits on my desk, holding pens and a bottle of lotion, I find God’s love.  The box is really a bit of nothing, just a brown box decorated with sparkly gold-colored ribbon.  God gave us this ability to appreciate pretty things, to make life more pleasant, even on a dreary day in a cold office.

Day 90/365 photos


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This is the bulletin board I look upon as I work every day, Monday through Friday.  On it are several photos of the blessings I count every day.

89/365+ proof of God’s love


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As I sit here tonight feeling like a failure as a mother, I remind myself that God’s love is there in a smile from a stranger, a word of encouragement from a friend, a hug from one of my kids… and I am so thankful that He loves me even when I’m not feeling loving toward myself.