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A Peek into the Window of My Anxiety Experience


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When I hear that there is news coming, or changes, but I am not just told that news or the changes are not explained, whether the news or the change is good or bad, I freak out a little.  I can’t understand why anyone would ever give advance notice of something that is coming without giving any clue as to the nature of it.  Panic inevitably sets in.  I have trouble sleeping, because my mind is working out every scenario it can imagine, none of them good.  I become snippy with my loved ones.  I speculate to the point of exhaustion and still my brain won’t turn off.

I’m not experiencing these feelings at this particular moment, but I have recently.  Changes came.  Before they came, I was told changes were coming, then nothing for a couple of  weeks.  Oddly enough, I’m pretty good with change.  I’m pretty adaptable.  It’s NOT KNOWING that eats at me.  I mean, if a change is coming and I’m informed in advance what that change is, I’m even okay with waiting. 

Sometimes, I’m able to use skills I learned from a great therapist to remind myself that even unknown changes won’t kill me, that more than likely whatever is coming, I’ve been through worse & survived.  If I can catch the worry early enough, before it starts messing with my sleep, I’m okay.  I just don’t always get to the mindfulness quick enough.

I also pray.  I believe fully in the power of prayer, because I’ve no doubt that I would not be here without it.  I came very close to death during the birth of my firstborn around 29 weeks.  Many prayed for me & my daughter and we both survived.  I totally believe in miracles… however, once the worry sets in, I obsess and even my prayers begin to drag on to include every disastrous possibility. 

If you’ve taken the time to read this whole little look into one of my anxiety triggers & my reaction to it, please tell me:  am I the only one who does this?  If you don’t live with anxiety as a daily part of your life, how, if at all, do you react to not knowing?  Is there any one thing you do worry about excessively?  Or is my reaction more normal than I imagine it is?

If you do suffer from anxiety or excessive worry, what are some coping strategies you use?

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3 responses »

  1. I get that way just from knowing there is a change even if I know what it is lol. The only thing I can do to help all the thinking and worrying is pray. God is the only one that is able to calm my mind. But like you said, that is usually the time I have a hard time getting connected with him. I have to get through all that stuff that is in my mind until I reach a point where I can hear Him. That is the hard part. I find myself feeling like I’ve done something wrong when it is hard to pray through. But God is there and He knows our needs even if we can’t feel him.

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  2. Before you pray, take the time to FREAK OUT!!! I do! LOL! Get out all the ugliness which resides in you at that moment. Find a spot to let it all hang out; if you prefer to do it in private, then find a space which you assign for such events, if not, then put a disclaimer out to your family that mommy will be centering herself in this manner so please excuse her for a few. If your creative juices get flowing, ask for hubby and eldest daughter to participate if they can – it makes it soo much easier when you have support of those you trust the most. After the freak out (don’t be afraid to let it out however it wants to come out just use wisdom regarding how intense it is-don’t want to frighten the children or harm yourself in the process), you then are left open and raw to receive clarity as to what to do next. That may consist of you asking questions to understand how you are feeling or to perceive the situation from an objective point of view. Objectivity has always worked for me. I take myself out of it and play it back in my mind as if I am reading about the experience in a book (I enjoy reading about complex characters), if you are a TV watcher, look at it as a reality show;whatever works to remove yourself from it for a moment. Then talk it out. Do what you would do for a friend who came to you for counsel. You are your own best friend. God is your own best friend. The two are one in the same. It takes some practice and courage to be “crazy” as some would call it 🙂 I like “crazy” in this productive way because it leads to peace. Try it. If it work, then Hallelujah! If not, then you are one step closer to conquring your fears and embracing Love. Let me know how it turns out.

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