Ooof. That is the sound I make when I’m punched in the gut by the onset of depression. If only I could find happy! And keep it for more than a brief moment, that would be nice.
I’ve caught a cold, family drama to which I’m barely privy (maybe because I’m barely family?) upset me yesterday. I’m skipping details still.
Also skipping details on the state of my finances. Let’s just say I cried for a solid half hour and then off and on all evening. I’m so flipping tired.
The tot won’t sleep. If she would, I would not be blogging right now.
I love this little girl, both my girls, but I need a break. Which takes money. Which I don’t have. Go me. Almost 40 years old and I can’t even afford a sitter – here comes the negative self-talk:
I’m a loser
I’m too stupid to do anything right
-being a friend
-being more than a lowly secretary
That sums up what my inner self is saying to me tonight. It is also making me question love. What I’m coming up with right now is that, other than parental love and possibly friend-love, it doesn’t exist. I can’t even bring myself to care! So yes, I’m back to normal. I’m a downer, eh? Now I’m wishing for those few days of mania, because this bout feels like it may be serious and long-lived.