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Monthly Archives: February 2012

60/365+ proof of God’s love


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I have a warm place to sleep tonight, out of the rain & my hunger was just satisfied with a meal prepared by my loving husband that not only filled my stomach but also tasted wonderful.  God is loving.

Day 60/365 photos


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It’s a picture of a picture.  I bought this frame for this photo of my late gramma, who passed away when I was fifteen.  This photo sits atop the cupboards at my current desk at work.  I need as much encouragement as I can get; photos of my loved ones help.

Leftovers


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Unsettled, always shaken
Into total misunderstanding of myself,
I feel terrorized, demonized,
Demoralized and victimized,
Always always left with a bitter bile,
So dark, so vile,
Bubbling to the surface I try to hide,
Taking all inside:
The doubt, the fear, the deepening
Feelings of abject violation,
Victimized no less by subjection to
A place that frightens me so now,
After all these years,
A situation in which daily
I feel I easily fall once more into
This role of powerlessness,
No less I say than that to which I was subjected
As an innocent child of four years age,
No less than the jaded girl aged eleven;
I’m not as stupid, though, as you may guess,
Despite my lack of education and
Apparent appearance as filthy white trash from where you sit.
I wonder at your
Propensity to draw near to you
Those you know
Suffer in one or another way a lack of balance.
Every bully has a favorite type,
A legal perpetrator penetrating
To the heart of the matter
Shattering any small semblance of balance,
Until day appears night to me,
Until it seems I am always wrong,
Until I am the child once more shaking in fear
Of what comes next.
I believe I’ve let it go too far, too long,
My own children one too many nights
Have seen Mommy cry and wish to die.
I cannot speak for anyone else,
But this nasty darkness in my soul
Consuming me is no longer worth meager reward,
An occasional “atta girl”
Tossed in with veiled threats
And barely-hidden contempt.
I feel sick, sickened in so many ways.
Paranoia has once more taken root;
Congratulations.
Soon this must end,
If I am to survive,
Maybe not to you,
But my life is worth more than this,
My family deserve better from me
Than the leftovers I am becoming.

59/365+ proof of God’s love


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Quite simply, the heat generated under the hood of my husband’s truck (it melted part of the ground wire and melted the spot where the ground wire connects to the battery), I can only assume could have resulted in a fire under the hood.  Praise God, that did not happen!  No matter how I’m feeling physically, no matter how sick, exhausted and emotionally drained, He is tirelessly faithful with His love & whatever this life holds, I’m blessed… I know this.

Day 59/365 photos


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I chose this photo for no particular reason.  Some of you may recognize this building as an Auto Zone store & many a year I’ve spent more than half of my tax return at such a store (because of my tendency to own only junky cars without a car payment). 

I hope everyone had a lovely Tuesday.

58/365+ proof of God’s love


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Sunshine.

Day 58/365 photos


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I’m not feeling well.  This child nestled in my arms has been full of mischief today and now, when I should be getting ready to go to the doctor, she wants to cuddle and nap!

In these quiet moments, I know how truly blessed I am.