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30/365+ proof of God’s love


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I was in a foul mood much of the day, irritated by rapid-fire changes at work, other people’s attitudes, which at the very best were only perceived by me as relatively rude (I say perceived, I know this feeling that others were rude was very likely just that, my perception – email as the primary mode of communication lends itself to such misinterpretations) and I’m just feeling too old, too anxious, too yanked-around to be as flexible as I’ve been most of my life.  I’m feeling less-than-compliant and no longer particularly interested in being nice, even.  Forcing a smile all day is making it very difficult to find a real smile for my family, the people who are the reason I go to work every morning.  They don’t deserve to take the brunt of my foul mood and ever-increasing frustration, but they get it anyway and a small voice inside my weary heart tells me this isn’t how life is meant to be.  God first, then family, then work.  I must get my priorities straight and I’m beginning to believe a drastic change will be the only way to make that happen.

No longer am I the naive girl who keeps friends who manipulate, who stays in relationships that are unhealthy and even abusive.  Only I can make the decision to change the situation and while it’s a thought filled with the terrifying unknown, very soon I am sure I’ll find the faith to jump and realize I could have been flying all along.

So I come to my proof of God’s love on this thirtieth day.  Is it any surprise that the proof is in my children’s love for me and for one another?  Talk about unconditional.  In their sweet embraces and their musical I love yous, I feel my Father God, Daddy, wrapping me in His embrace and letting me know it’s all okay.  Even the foul mood.

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2 responses »

  1. That long drive home can be a nice cool down too – for all of the years I drove 45 minutes to an hour each way to work, that drive is probably the only thing that saved my sanity and marriage, especially when I was in the midst of the menopausal insanity that was part of me starting at about age 35. You are indeed blessed, dear Karen, and loved, loved, loved! ♥

    Reply
    • I was just getting to the point where (when there wasn’t a blizzard or ice on the road) I could look at my commute as some me time, cranking up the radio and singing along… when I was moved to the satellite office in Portland, which on a good day is maybe a twenty-five minute drive. I’m not complaining about the gas savings or the decreased wear and tear on my old clunker!! I work in an office near a river trail so my lunch hour will be my new me time. Everyone will probably be sick of photos of the river soon!

      Reply

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